do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
