Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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