How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
