girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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