True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
