OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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