I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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