ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
