i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
