i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
