Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
