3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
