Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
