You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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