I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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