She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
