just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
