I wish my penis had an off switch
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
