dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
