So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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