yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
