Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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