This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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