It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
