Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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