I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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