so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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