Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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