o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
