Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
