He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
