nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
