I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
