i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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