Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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