Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
