It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
