This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
