Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
