i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
