i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
