I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Randomize
