I'm really into asian looking animals
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
