I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
