She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
