ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Randomize
