Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
