look no pants
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
