you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
