There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
