people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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