I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Me too!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
