I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
