so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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