im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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